profile

Sex and Sensibility

Neuroscience-trained somatic sex educator helping people overcome pain, numbness, low desire, and sexual shame. Practical, evidence-informed insights for better intimacy and deeper connection. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Featured Post

This 90s song knew you better than you...

School is back in session and so, God help me, is the school run. Let me tell you about the one rule in my car. It was handed down to me by my own parents, non-negotiable and eternal: whoever is driving the car controls the music. If I am going to spend a third of my waking life ferrying children to school and theatre on Mondays and basketball on Thursdays, then we are listening to MY music. And my music, obviously, comes from the peak of human civilization. The 90s. I consider it my sacred...

This week I sent my friend Rachel something I’d written and asked what she thought. She texted back one word. “Honestly?” And I laughed, because…. Duh… of COURSE honestly. What’s the alternative? I wasn’t looking for a l lovely bouquet of comforting lies, so I could feel briefly marvellous and then go and publish something shite, that’s for sure! But I felt a little pang of poignancy too, because I knew why she asked, and why she was hesitant to just lay it on me. Most people who say “tell me...

I’m on what’s known as a "Deload week", and man, have I EARNED it. (This is not the confession. It's just a little self-aggrandizement before the public humiliation.) I’ve finished another round of Rebecca Kennedy’s Hilit+ program on Peloton Strength. If you watched my keynote, you’ll remember Rebecca, the fitness instructor I use as my example of the Seductress archetype, whose gift is making you fall in love with your own progress. (Didn’t watch the keynote? It’s right here!) Anyway, ten...

There are some famous C words out there in the world. Some make Americans deeply uncomfortable, and I use them more than I probably should. Today, though, I want to talk about the first letter of the word "Consistency". And yes, I know it’s a bit rich of me to write a whole newsletter about consistency when, last Sunday, for the first time in 15 weeks, I didn’t send you one. I had a streak of fifteen Sundays in a row, like clockwork. And then nothing. Tumbleweed. Yes, I had reasons… good...

My 11-year-old broke my heart a little over a bowl of cereal yesterday morning. I'd just gotten one of those newsletters about the best towns in America for fall foliage. BTW, whoever keeps signing my email up for random shit like this, please stop. Not because I don’t like it, but because I like it TOO much and waste time reading it. Anyway…. Apparently the winner, the crown jewel, the prom queen of American Fall Towns to swoon over was a place called Woodstock, Vermont. They ran a photo of...

Today’s newsletter is about two things that come up every week in my office: Shame and forgiveness. Also, conveniently for this theme and my newsletter, the Jewish Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, begins tonight at sundown. For the past week, Jews who observe have been in the midst of a full-on forgiveness spree. We’re encouraged to reach out to those we’ve wronged, to ask for forgiveness, mend fences, atone… Or if that all feels like hard work, post an annoying generic Facebook post like this...

Today is September 11th. And tonight, at sundown, is the beginning of Rosh Hashanah. The Jewish new year lasts 2 days and shifts around based on the lunar calendar. (So, no Sunday newsletter this week... this one instead.) The feeling today has been a strange one. September 11th has me looking back into some of the darkest grief and horror I've ever witnessed. Rosh Hashana, Jewish New Year, asks me to look forward, with sweetness and hope, into a brand new year. I've been emotionally...

My sons have taken up the manliest, most epic pursuit known to boykind. Ballet. Yes. Ballet. They are utterly convinced it’s the most rugged thing a boy can do, because their godfather Conrad, who owns the studio and teaches their class, is cool enough to make the boys consider it “legit”. Conrad runs a boys-only class. He picks my kids up from school every Thursday and drives them down to the studio in Santa Cruz blasting the stereo LOUD… Johnny Cash, Billy Joel, Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue....

This past Tuesday, over a poke bowl sitting outside in the delightful California sunshine, my friend Tracy tore me apart... Allow me to explain.... Tracy is a psychotherapist in Los Altos who works with people navigating eating disorders and with teenagers drowning in anxiety, and she is, by far, one of the most intuitive humans I've ever met. I go to Tracey for counsel the way the ancient Greeks used to consult very esteemed oracles, except their oracles answered them in cryptic drivel and...

"Mawage. Mawage is what brings us together today. Mawwiage, that blessed awwangement, that dream within a dream..." (If you have not seen the Princess Bride, you should go and remedy that immediately!) Anyway…today is my 20th wedding anniversary. Twenty years married to Ohad. Twenty-five and a half together, if we're counting from the beginning (and I did count every month from the beginning… Just ask Ohad who had to put up with “monthaversaries” for a very long time!). I got married VERY...